What Lives In Me….

What lives inside of me

What lives inside of me is the story of the ones who came before me

Mary
Irma
Charity
Virtue
Anne
Louisa

What lives inside of me is fish fried hard, hand patted dumplings, Tussy, pocket book church peppermints and a constant prayer on their lips, my lips
What lives inside of me has existed for millennia

My full complement of eggs, Che was there, Taj was there, the baby that came and left
The sorrow of babies and husbands gone too soon, of dis-ease, assault and trauma
The joy of family, more babies to come, Jesus, Black dirt, salt water and sweet water

Their stories live in me.

I feel their words in my mouth, shaping my lips, my crooked smile, dancing across my skin and animating my marrow

What lives inside of me sits on the side of my bed at night and speaks in riddled whispers of truth…urgent feverish messages that must come out…say it, say it, say it now

What lives in me is ancient because I know that I have always existed
I was there when my mother was in her mother’s womb, when my grandmother was in her mother’s womb and back to the beginning with the ancients ones who’s names we can never know

I am committed to calling forth what lives in me even when it frightens me
I am dedicated to loving what lives in me even when I am fatigued from my body recovering from expelling the poisons ingested from generational assassination attempts
And yet and still, I, we, they are still here

See, I made a deal, a pact, signed a contract with my through line
I made a promise to say their names, heal our family, heal myself and say it all out loud
I made a promise that I would let the others know that what they see and feel is real and that we all get to choose something different

We get to choose light
We get to choose joy
We get to choose love
We get to choose intimacy
We get to choose us

I get to choose…
This is a book intro

This is the introduction to the book that lives inside of me and this book is dedicated to them

To my mother, my mother’s mother, her mother’s mother
To my father who has loved me all of my life, but couldn’t stay in his physical form, I feel your presence
To the father who chose to parent me out of a love that transcended bloodline
It is dedicated to Osun, who graced me with her crown and whispers the secrets of her magic in my ears when the moon is new
It is dedicated to my sons Che and Taj who taught me how to mother and are a manifestation of such amazing love and grace
It is dedicated to my sisters Mary, Michelle and Georgette
It is dedicated to my brothers Jr. and Fred

It is dedicated to my Tribe who love my fiercely

This book is for those of mothering ourselves as we mother the children around us into more beautiful full liberated lives